Ain't No Party Like a Colonosco-party?

YOU GUYS!!!

So much has happened since I was better than everyone by eating a super healthy diet [for 30 days]!

Part of the reason that I wanted to do the Whole30 elimination diet was because I have some weird wackiness happening in my digestive tract. I was sent to to the bum specialist and she didn't think I had much to worry about, "but let's book a colonoscopy just-in-case." JUST-IN-CASE. Obviously living in a country with Health Care For All is ideal, EXCEPT WHEN YOU CAN GET A COLONOSCOPY "JUST FOR FUN" BASICALLY.

So since my previous entry, I:

• Went to Portland
• Quit my job 
• Joined a writing society and am going to be a writer
• Colonoscopy'd

And you know what? COLONOSCOPY trumps those other amazing stories!

The Co'py (as The Kids call it)

So I was all Cocky Locky heading up to the Co'py. I even came up with the title for this blog, and thought it would be a bit of a laugh. (I KNOW! It gets better.) After all, I'm 39 and getting a Co'py for Canadian medical hijinks!

Lately it's trendy for writers to begin at the end (har) and it will relieve you to know that I'm completely fine, I just have a super twisty intestine which complicates intestinal intestinally-ness.

Now, as many of you know:

I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess.

And princesses don't like "the prep" as those in the biz like to say. Colyte is made by the devil, and Princess couldn't complete The Prep like all the cool kids do. Basically I puked, went and had the BEST Co'py (I got a ribbon that says "participant" to go with my other ribbons from the '80's) and then threw up until midnight. And the whole time, Blair was my knight in shining armour!! He read about what to give nauseated princesses, and while none of it worked, (Gravol directions: "take before you feel nauseous" 'k thanks) t'was much appreciated.

[from left to right] The Dreaded One-Eyed Colon Oscopy, Sir Blair of the Bodas, Sedated Princess

On the plus side, I didn't eat for 3 days and was supermodel skinny!! (I'm joking; I have too much fat reserves to make much of a dent.) And I woke up the next day and could eat! I was pretty pumped.

THE END

P.S.: Disappointed I didn't go into MORE detail? Leave a comment and I'll send you the pictures of my extraordinarily beautiful colon. I was only mildly/ not-nearly-enough sedated so I technically could have watched the camera in action, but darn if I didn't leave my glasses behind!

PORTLAND

If you're into "The Books" (as The Kids probably don't say) you may have heard about an against-all-odds HUGE Indy bookstore called Powell's. It's basically a city block for one bookstore (plus wee versions scattered throughout the city) with a million-plus books - literally - and was the reason for me dragging Sir Blair, Princess Amie and Sir Jay along for my holy pilgrimage. Portland was great, Powell's was greater. I went 3 times in 3 days and bought LOTS and LOTS.

Sir Blair and his princess taught the couple from Mayland Kingdom how to SHOP TIL YOU DROP/ can't fit any more into the rental vehicle. It was a tad grotesque, but a lovely trip all-the-same!!

Also: Oregon? No sales tax! And we went to a town made of wine. And the city is made of beer! (True stories.)

The Closing of Fair's Fair (on 17th ave SW)

One of you may be wondering why I would buy a shit-ton of books in America (see: no taxes) when I work at a used bookstore and already own a crap-ton of books? WELL.

Just as I was returning from 'Merica, we got the [official] news that, after being there for 23 years, the new owners of our building were a) almost tripling the rent, and b) going to tear that mother down and build condos in 2020 (?). So, you know. Progress. My reaction surprised me: 

(Simulation pretty close to my Co'py face, actually...)

... and I had a little cry. I had previously helped the Fair's Fair family close the NW/ Ranchlands location almost exactly one year earlier, and was sad to see it happen again.

Serendipitiously ©: in March I had bought a weekend pass to a "writer-con" of sorts, called When Words Collide that fell on the second weekend of August. There were real-live authors, panels, workshops, and BOOKS. I had found my people. (Strangely enough, the majority of participants were middle-aged women, and as I am no where NEAR middle age, I felt that I added a hipper, super chic presence for them to draw on.*)

The closer and closer it got to August 26 (a.k.a. End of [used book] Days) the more I felt that I had enjoyed my time working in a bookstore, but felt a bit of an itch to strike out on my own and join all of the successful writers of the world.

So! The day before The Co'py I waved goodbye to the Fair's Fair family and was punished horribly for the next 3 days by the Used Book Gods.

So What Now?!

I joined The AWCS (Alexandra Writers' Centre Society) which provides a quiet place for me to procrastinate on my book idea (which I refer to as "The Project") by writing this blog post. They also have classes, gatherings, and people to help you with/ edit your manuscript.

My brain is SO EXCITED about my ideas it's like a hummingbird with ADHD that just downed a Big Gulp of Red Dye No. 2.

Coffee seems like a good idea! Calming, calming coffee...

I'm narrowing down the scope of my project, but am frustrated at how super-hilarious/ brilliant I am JUST BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP. #writerproblems

Also...

I am in a craft fair in November (deets to follow at a later date) and will be selling Literary Figures amigurumi along with their corresponding books. I'm living the goddamn dream, peeps.

So, my bladder is full of free coffee, and I need some food.

Thanks for reading!! I may re-title this blog "Procrasti-blog"© as it's probably going to seem like a REALLY good idea to update it instead of buttoning down and gettin' to 'er.

~ Jen

P. P.S. Do you have a colonoscopy story you'd like to share with the class? Leave it in the comments below!

* I was so shy that I literally almost ran into a wall to escape someone complimenting me on my dress. Idiot! Blame Betty clothes don't blend!! I may as well have been wearing a billboard saying, "ask me where I got this dress and be my friend!" GAH!! Next year: Talbot's all the way (a.k.a. middle-age lady camouflage).